How It Feels
by thestupidgenius1123
Summary: "It felt totally unacceptable, since Maximum Ride was not allowed to get choked up. Except, my boyfriend died today. So, I guess that could be considered an exception to the rules." Fax. One-shot. A hidden chapter of Fang. [Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride. All rights reserved to James Patterson. No infringement or copyright intended.]


**How It Feels**

**A/N: Hello! Thank you a ****million**** for reading. If you like, which I sincerely hope you do, go ahead and check out my other hidden chapters! The only ones I haven't done now are **_**Angel **_**and **_**Nevermore**_**…But I have an **_**Angel **_**one in mind (:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride. **

**Summary: "Honestly, I hadn't known it was possible to be that afraid until I felt Fang's limp hand in mine. Thinking about it made my throat thick and my eyes wet. It felt totally unacceptable, since I was not allowed to get choked up. Except, my boyfriend died today. So I guess that could be considered an exception to the rules." One-shot. A hidden chapter of **_**Fang**_**. **

They were all asleep; I knew because I'd checked - twice. It was almost two in the morning. Mom had crashed on one bed and the girls on the other. I had opted for the couch. Then, once I'd realized how disgusting the hotel couch was, I'd made myself a bed on the floor. Surprisingly, the floor was less disgusting.

I couldn't sleep. Surprised? Didn't think so.

Sleep wasn't my thing. Insomnia was more of my forte. But seriously, we'd all had a long day. Every time I closed my eyes, I just saw Fang on that operating table…

Anyways. The others were asleep. I got up, glanced around the room once more, then slipped across the hall. The boys room was right across from our room. I was about to let myself into the room, to avoid waking any one else up, when I felt someone behind me.

"Max?"

To my surprise and disappointment, it wasn't Fang. I turned around.

"Hey, Ig."

I had no idea what he was doing out of their room. Without even having to ask, Iggy made a sheepish face.

"Got hungry." He held up a few bags of chips and cookies from the vending machine.

"At two in the morning?" I asked softly.

Ig nodded.

"How did you even know what you were getting? You can't see the buttons."

Iggy just shrugged. "Figured I'd probably like most of it, anyways. Not like I'm a picky eater."

"Yeah," I mumbled, staring at the ground.

"You okay?"

I nodded, then realized that did me absolutely no good in this situation. "I…yeah."

He knew that I had been _this close _to admitting that I _so _wasn't okay, but didn't press it. "Max? We all feel…kind of shitty about what happened."

I chewed on my lip.

"That's not how that argument was supposed to go, and I think we all agree that telling you to stop being leader was a pretty bad idea…"

"So, you're the one they sent to apologize?"

None of us had really talked about it…and after the entire incident at Dr. Hans' lab, no one had hardly spoken about anything, let alone kicking me out.

"No," Iggy said finally. "But…we didn't know that you and Fang were so…"

"So what?" I sighed. After my breakdown beside Fang's deathbed, where I screamed at him and told him I loved him and such, the others kind of just stared at me in surprise.

"Serious," Iggy muttered. "We thought…well, it doesn't matter. We were wrong."

"Thanks," I said quietly.

Iggy grinned then. "What, no 'I know you were all wrong, now get the hell out of my way'?"

I didn't laugh. Iggy sighed.

"He's fine."

"I know," I said quietly.

"He's alive."

I looked up at him. "But he almost _wasn't_."

And that, really, was my whole problem. Because Fang had died. His heart had stopped beating. I'd barely, barely saved him. It had been _too _close.

I sighed this time, wrapping my arms around myself. "I'm going in there…will you…stay with the girls? Just in case something happens?"

Iggy shrugged. "Let me in."

So I walked across the hall with him again and pulled out the key card for the girls' room. "I'm on the floor, but you can go to the couch if you want," I whispered.

Iggy nodded. "Night, Max."

"Night."

I let the door close. I turned around and unlocked the boys' room, slowly stepping in. I saw Gazzy on one bed, Fang in another. Dylan was on the couch across the room. Jeb had stayed at the hospital again since his bullet wound wasn't doin' so good.

I walked across the room until I was standing next to Fang's bed. Without hesitation (read: before my common sense could fully kick in) I crawled into bed next to him.

Fang rolled over, his eyes open and alert. I yawned, pressing my face into his chest, trying to hide my relief at being in his arms again. _He was fine_, I kept telling myself. _Perfectly fine. _

"Max?"

"Hey," I mumbled. Fang pulled me closer so I was completely against him and I exhaled slowly, feeling his heartbeat against my chest.

"What's wrong?"

I stared up at him. Did he seriously just ask me that question?

Fang sighed and dropped a kiss on my forehead. All of his bruises and cuts were doing an exceptional job at healing themselves. He _almost _didn't look like a lumpy pie.

"I don't think you understand how afraid I was," I whispered. Honestly, I hadn't known it was possible to be that afraid until I felt Fang's cold, limp hand in mine. Thinking about it made my throat thick and my eyes wet. It felt totally unacceptable, since Maximum Ride was not allowed to get choke up. Except…my best friend/boyfriend died today. So I guess that could be considered an exception to the rules. Whatever. I don't write 'em, I just follow them as best I can.

Hah. Me following rules.

Anyone? Anyone?

"I'm okay now," Fang breathed, as if that made it all freaking better. As if that erased all my worry, melted the ice in my chest, made it possible for me to close my eyes and not see his as he'd been hours before - cold and lifeless.

"Do you know how it felt?" I demanded. "How _I _felt?"

Fang watched me, his eyes searching my face. It probably wasn't too hard to read me, but then again, Fang never had trouble reading me.

"_Every breath hurt_." I slowly exhaled, as if it still hurt. "That's how it felt."

"Max…"

"You left me a note telling me not to follow you," I said. "Then I found you dead."

Fang closed his eyes.

"I thought I was going to have to live without you," I whispered. "Can you even imagine what that was like? Staring at your dead body and thinking that I'd _never _get to talk to you ever again? That I would have to live every single day without you?"

"No, I can't."

"No, you can't," I repeated, my voice shaking. "It physically hurt me. Like a part of me was taken away. Like my wings had been ripped off. Jesus, Fang, I'd rather Erasers tore me apart than go through that again."

Fang smoothed my hair. He said nothing and did nothing but ran his fingers through my hair, and I pressed my face into his chest.

"You won't," Fang whispered.

"What?"

"You won't go through it again," he murmured, against my cheek.

"I better fucking not," I moaned, trying not to cry. I seriously should've been all cried out by now. "You are my best friend. You can't just leave me like that. You can't honestly expect me to be able to handle it."

"Max."

"I thought I could handle anything, but not that. I saw you lying there and I just wanted to die."

"Don't say that," Fang demanded, grabbing my wrist. I stared up at him.

"No," I said, yanking my wrist from his hand. "You need to know how I felt. So you don't do anything that stupid ever again."

Fang watched me with a pained look in his eyes.

"I didn't want to _live _anymore," I whispered finally. I wrapped my arms around his torso, my fingers digging into the base of his wings. Fang rested his forehead against mine. I could still feel his hear against mine, beating, reassuring me that he was alive. "So guess what, buddy? You die when we die."

**A/N: So I thought this was really cute and fluffy and romantic…then remembered that after this little scene I tossed in, Fang leaves and pretty much shatters Max into a million microscopic pieces. Oh, so romantic…**

**Anyways, please tell me what you think! You guys think this would fit into **_**Fang**_**? **


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